Sun and Sky, You and I
by InfamousMissFitz
Summary: ZackxOC or OCxZack Fair. Kai hates Zack based purely on the notion that everyone likes him. But when her life being the only female soldier turns into chaos, there's only one person she could ever turn to.
1. Chapter One: Denial

**Hey guys its InfamousMissFitz, here. For those of you that don't know me, I suppose you don't have to read this. But basically, Sun Sky, You and I has been completely Revamped, so now it has a better storyline, and it starts from the beginning in Kai's point of view. Like my previous version, this new version will have moments of humour; and sadness. So grab your tissues, you're either gonna cry laughing, or cry….crying….I hope.  
This is a ZackxOC, and her name is Kai.**

**I own nothing here, only the storyline and Kai herself, the rest belongs to the awesome Square Enix.**

**Warning: contains mild gore and swearing.**

The cold grey and blue of the Shinra building only seemed to dampen my mood as I walked its corridors, the tap of my boots echoing down the halls. I tugged self consciously at my maroon 2nd class uniform, wondering if it were ever possible for a woman to be made 1st class.

Heading towards my dorm, I heard footsteps approaching in the opposite direction. I stiffened, readying myself for a formal greeting. At the sight of a black uniform I halted, a harsh "Sir!" escaping my lips.

The man paused; offering me a cheeky smile.  
"Is that Miss Setar under there?" He asked, bending slightly so he was facing me. I was suddenly thankful for the heavy helmet that hid my blush. He tugged on the blonde hair that poked out of my helmet, then flicked my visor, a small frown crossing his features.  
"I almost didn't recognise you under that uniform you're wearing; did they not give you a smaller size?"  
I shook my head, "No Mr Fair, sir".

I studied the First Class SOLDIER in front of me. Zack Fair, a legend in SOLDIER. All Firsts were seen as heroes, and Zack the most recent. His handsome and open face betrayed the fact that he was so powerful; and I had sworn to myself to hate him for all eternity based on the fact that everyone else loved him. I never trusted the pretty ones.  
He frowned, "I'll see to that. And stop calling me 'Mr Fair' makes me feel as old as Angeal". He winked.  
"Permission to speak freely Sir?" I asked, shocked by my boldness.  
"Permission granted", he answered, still seeming unhappy at the formality.  
"Sir, if for any moment I am treated differently because I am female, then other SOLDIERS would recognise it too, and not give me the respect I deserve. And so, consequentially, I will address all my superiors with the utmost formality". I suddenly felt shameful for my reply. Zack was young for a First, and was uncomfortable with the SOLDIER stiffness. He made sure everyone called him Zack; and was even known to some as "the puppy". I had insinuated that he was only being casual because I was a girl, and not because it was his manner.  
His frown only deepened. "I'm sorry, Kai, I didn't mean it like that".  
"It's alright, Sir", I said wondering why he called me by my first name. His mako eyes gazed into mine, boring holes through the thick metal of my helmet. Don't fall for it, Kai. Don't fall for it, don't fall for it.  
He moved passed me, his gloved hand brushing my shoulder.  
"Bye Kai!", he called over his shoulder, "I'll see that your uniform fits!" I found myself smiling back. Dammit. I fell for it.

After reaching the sanctuary of my dorm, I closed the door behind me, leaning against it, a sigh of relief escaping my lips.  
"A run in with Zack again?" A voice asked. My eyes flickered to the source. Kunsel. He was the only SOLDIER who had two sisters and was completely used to tampons flooding the rubbish bin. He also had a long term girlfriend, giving him another reason not to rape me. And so, he became my roommate. Not that if anyone did try to rape me, it would be easy. I wasn't a Second for nothing.  
"Yeah" I breathed, throwing myself down on the sofa next to him, both of us squinting at the tiny television that Seconds were given. I pulled off my helmet, chucking it onto my bed.  
"I don't see why you don't like him", he said, running a hand through his curly brown hair, "Zack is such a nice guy".  
"Yeah", I said, "He's also very popular, and most likely a player, and a ladies' man; used to attention".  
Kunsel shook his head, "Kai he's nothing like that. He's genuine and has only been in a few relationships. I really think you should give him a chance".  
I responded with a stubborn silence.  
Kunsel sighed, rolling his eyes. "How bad was it?"  
"Calling me 'Miss Setar', making sure I had a uniform that fitted properly, telling me to call him Zack, brushing my shoulder, gazing into my eyes…" I broke off, a blush creeping across my face. Kunsel patted my knee.  
"You know," he said, "For someone who hates him, you sure do like him a lot".  
"Which is why I hate him", I replied "I don't want to be made weak by love like the other women here. I don't want to be seen as someone who uses their…" I paused, "_attributes_ to get to First".  
"And by attributes you mean…"  
I gave Kunsel a stern look. "Something I have which you don't", I replied.  
"I'm not gonna make you say it, am I?"  
"No".  
There was a knock on the door. "Come in", Kunsel yelled, and head of blonde hair poked through the gap.  
"Hey Cloud", I said, waving for him to come in. Cloud took a few steps, closing the door behind him.  
"What are you guys watching?"  
"Wrestling…Hey Kunsel, that's not fair! You know Wednesday is my turn with the remote! I've missed two episodes of _Midgar's Next Top Model _already!" I stopped, noticing their expressions. "What?"  
"Y'know", Cloud said, "for the first female SOLDIER, ever, which pretty much spells "macho lesbian" backwards, you're kind of womanly". I glared at Cloud.  
"Oh trust me", Kunsel said, "Kai is defiantly not "macho lesbian". In fact, she's got a thing for", he lowered his voice into a stage whisper, "_Zack".  
_Cloud raised an eyebrow. "Zack? Wow, Kai, I didn't think of you as mainstream". Despite the quiet voice and innocent blue eyes, Cloud was very bold sometimes.  
"Haha, very funny", I said, voice laced with sarcasm, "Exactly why I'm trying to hate him as well".  
Cloud scoffed. "Well good luck", he said, "Zack is very hard to hate. When he pulls that puppy look-it's all over".  
Oh joy.

**Any way, as I was saying, some chapters might be more lighthearted than others; but such is life I suppose. Anyway, I hope you like it! It's about time this was redone; and after a couple reviewers giving me a good ol' kick up the arse, I've finally done it. So thank you!**


	2. Chapter Two: Confrontation

**2**

The noise of the mess hall greeted me like a physical force; slamming into my ears. Burly SOLDIERS stooped over trays of protein-stuffed food raised their eyebrows when I walked in with Kunsel; some of them winking and wolf whistling. We joined Cloud in the queue, and after receiving our portions of unidentifiable sludge, sat down at a table of our own.

"That was an improvement", Kunsel said after a moment of silence, "No one tried to hit on you".  
"Yet", I said, my eyes flickering around. A few gazes and comments were thrown my way, but Kunsel was right; they were getting used to me. "Does anyone know what this actually is?" I asked, scooping a forkful of my food. Cloud tossed the laminated menu my way, "It's supposed to be corned beef".  
"Again?" Kunsel asked, "I ate this yesterday, and they called it curry".

But no one responded, Cloud's eyes were watching someone behind me. "Incoming" he muttered. I ducked my head down, using my blonde hair to curtain my face.  
"Kai?"  
Oh, fuck.

I lifted my head, only to be greeted with those deep blue mako eyes.

"Hey I found you. Just wanna say that I left your uniform on your bed. I hope that's okay". My mind quickly travelled the corridors and halls of the barracks, flinging open the door of my dorm, and remembering the state of my room. Saying a bomb had gone off there was an understatement.

Cloud kicked me under the table.  
"Ow!-thank you Sir, much appreciated". I flashed him a quick smile. Then I noticed he was holding a tray. A full tray. With food on it. No no no no no no no-  
"Hey , can I sit with you guys? I would sit with Angeal but he's on his own and" he lowered his voice into a whisper, "_Also kind of pissed with me_".  
Cloud gave me a smile. "Yeah sure, that would be great-OW!" He shot daggers at me.

Still, why would he ever sit with us? SOLDIER was like high school; the Firsts sat with the Firsts, Seconds with the Seconds and so on. The Firsts were like the football team; and for the majority of the time I was glad I was not _cool enough _to have to endure Zack.

But he stayed where he was. "Is that okay with you Kai?" he asked, eyebrows knitted together and voice laced with concern.  
"Perfectly fine, Sir".  
Kunsel rolled his eyes. "Kai, no one is going to call you a social climber if you call him Zack".  
"Zack".

"See that wasn't so-" His sentence was cut short by the look I gave him. I stiffened when Zack's leg brushed mine as he sat down.  
"So", he said, addressing everyone, looking right at me. Why was he doing that? "You guys nervous for the First trials?" Zack asked.  
"No", Kunsel and Cloud said in unison. Zack raised an eyebrow.  
"Really? Why?"  
"'Cause we'll never get into First, so we just don't bother" Kunsel said, "that way we don't waste our time and energy". Zack looked shocked.  
"So you guys are not even _applying? _You don't care that your room sucks?" Cloud grinned.  
"My roommate smuggled in an HD widescreen TV", he said, "who cares about First anyway? Girls dig the SOLDIER, no matter the rank".  
Kunsel pointed his fork at me. "Kai's applying".

Oh great. Way to make me look like a macho lesbian.  
"Um yeah", I spluttered, avoiding everyone's eyes. I hate you Kunsel, I hate you, and we are _defiantly _going to have words about this later.

Zack's eyes grew wide with interest. "Really? Well I'll see you there". He winked, and stood up, taking his tray to the counter.

Cloud snorted with laughter, raising his eyebrows at me, only to receive a nasty kick in the shin.

**Heeeheheee! Cloud and Kunsel, you guys are so MEAN! I LOVE IT. Sorry this Chapter was so short! And I have nothing against Macho Lesbians. Kai does. ;D**


	3. Chapter Three: Trials and Errors

**(Kai Setar hates Zack fair, purely on the notion that everyone else likes him. Being the only female SOLDIER is tough .But when things change, the matters of her personal life become trivial and life isn't what it seemed to be. ZackxOC OCxZack Fair.)**

**3. Here is the next chapter guys!**

I stood in the training room, lined up against the wall along with a handful of other Seconds. They all stared at me incredulously, until one muttered how he liked a woman on top, and then their laughter ruptured the silence.

Then the Firsts strode in, their presence cutting the laughter like Angeal's buster sword cut through people. We pressed against the wall in fear and respect, averting our eyes. Zack handed each of us a pair of goggles, and a training sword. A "good luck" was thrown in with mine.

Sephiroth strode in front of us, eyeing each of us individually. "Your goal is to find one of us-a First that is-and defeat him. You have been given ten minutes. After that time, the simulator will shut down and we will review your scores. Even if you don't defeat one of us we will asses you on the probability that, given more time, you might have". He put his goggles on. "I'll see you there".

I slipped my goggles on and entered the bustling streets of Midgar. Around me, people crowded the train station, boarding and leaving; and I knew it was going to be tough finding anyone. The other Seconds arrived around me, and took off in search of an opponent.

I leapt onto a train that was just leaving the station, sprinting down the roof, as it moved in the opposite direction. I sprung upwards, grabbing a bar from the scaffolding above, swinging myself onto the small wooden platform. As I moved, I thought out a plan, checking my watch. Nine minutes, 31 seconds left.

If I took five minutes searching for a First, and five minutes fighting him then that would work. But I knew that I wouldn't be able to defeat any First in five minutes, so I had to impress the Firsts another way…  
Sephiroth. _No one _would be brave and stupid enough to look for him. Apart from me, that is.

Where would he be? Sephiroth was intelligent. To fight someone, you needed space and height to look out for pursuers. Building tops.

I climbed further up the scaffolding, and bounded onto the roof of an apartment block. No one here. The roof was too small; cluttered with satellite dishes and air-conditioning fans. I sprinted forward, leaping onto another roof, and then sprinting again. Two minutes, forty two seconds. _Come on, Kai, come on._

And then a flash of silver crossed my vision. Sephiroth had his back to me, standing in the middle of a helicopter landing pad. That was big enough. I bent my legs, springing up , my boots landing on the concrete with a quiet thud.

Sephiroth turned around, a ghost of a smile crossing his features. "Kai", he said, his feline voice slurring my name slightly, "I didn't expect anyone to challenge me".  
_That's because no one else is as stupid as me._

I studied the First before me. S_ephiroth, First class; injected with Jenova cells. Weapon; Masamune, a two handed kantana which stretches longer than Sephiroth's body himself. Must be his way of using long distance and short distance combined. If I could get the sword caught in something; then I would have a chance. The only way I can become a First is to hold him off for the next five minutes._

"No time for talking" I said. I could see my eyes in the reflection of his. Burning gold eyes; threaded with emotion.

I drew my sword; forever watching Sephiroth. A small smirk played across his lips. It seemed as if I was just entertainment to him.  
"Ladies first", he said.

That got to me.

With a cry escaping my lips, I lunged forward; bring my sword down upon him. The city air was ruptured with a clang as Sephiroth brought up Masamune to meet my own blade. Somewhere in the depths of my mind I had wondered how he could move such a large blade so fast; but my concentration was only for him. Again and again I tried, but he never left an opening. I wondered why I was not bleeding and on my knees begging for mercy at this point; he hadn't made a single attack. Then I realised that he was _toying _with me.

"You don't seem to want this enough, Kai", he said, his expression bored. Around me, I could see the landscape disintegrate, and turn into the training room._ Time's up already?_ I noticed the other Seconds and Firsts watching; expressions of surprise on their faces. But I could not stop now. I could not lose now; not in front of everyone, not in front of _Zack. I want this, I want this, I want this. I _need _this._

Why?

_The heat of the flames hit me like a physical force; smacking into my body; filling my lungs with smoke. The smell of burning wood and flesh conquered all else, as screams of pain filled my ears. A man ran across my vision; body and clothes alight; the pain twisting his scream into something demented. Mothers searched for children; their anguished faces crumpled with the thought of what might happen if they didn't find them. Children wandered through the flames, innocent faces now corrupted and exposed to the effects of evil, their young voices piercing through the crackling and hissing of the fire.  
"Mommy…mommy..."_

_My parents; lost, their early cremation brought upon them. My brother; scarred for the rest of his life; a portion of his back shrivelled and puckered with burns._

_And I stood amongst the flames, fire flickering in my golden eyes, teenage fingers clasped around the lighter as ashes drifted from the sky like corrupted snow._

_I couldn't save them._

I brought my blade down on Masamune again, feeling the thick vibrations course down my arms. I pulled out my real blade; not the training weapon, and thrust it towards Sephiroth's heart. Seeing my rage, he smiled, and twisted Masamune upwards; blocking my second blade. A growl emanated from my throat, as I tossed my training sword before lunging again towards Sephiroth. This time I managed to draw blood; slashing at the top of his arm. My sword was stained with the blood of a First.

But if Sephiroth felt any pain; he did not show it, and brought Masamune down upon me; the blade digging into my shoulder. I groaned in pain, my eyes widening, but did not stop. For another few minutes, we continued like this, injuring each other, slashing and stabbing in a dance of swords.

Whenever I aimed for a vital organ; Masamune seemed to beat me to it; blocking my attacks one by one. I needed to find a way to stop it. And idea occurred to me; a stupid, crazy, reckless idea. But then again, what other options did I have?

And so I retreated, taking a step back, moving my sword away from my torso as if to attack; leaving an opening. In seconds, Masamune was thrust into my chest, burrowing through a parting in my ribcage before exiting at the other side. I groaned again, the small rosebud of blood in my chest blooming into a flower, before drenching my already maroon uniform. My brain screamed at me, to fight back, surrender or pull myself out of the sword. The room seemed to spin, and my legs buckled underneath me, but the blade in my torso held me up. I coughed, blood splattering onto the floor, accompanied with the pool that I had already left. It dribbled down my chin and down my neck, the hot liquid causing me to shudder uncontrollably. A vengeful thought then occurred to me; spurring me to continue.

If I go down, Sephiroth, so do you.

With my arm outstretched, I _still _would not be able to reach Sephiroth. As a result, my left hand gripped the blade; piercing the leather of my gloves, and then my skin, and I pulled myself forward and deeper into the sword. Millions of crying complaints ran through my nervous system, as I felt a new part of the blade cut through my insides, this time not already made blunt by blood. I cried out in pain; and from the corner of my eye, could see Zack struggle against Angeal and Genesis, who held him back. But before anyone helped me, I needed to put my plan in action.

Now that Masamune was occupied, the taste of my blood fresh on its silver blade, I brought my sword arm back. Movements firm, my hands quivering ever so slightly, I plunged my sword into his torso, relishing the shocked face that I was greeted with, a choked gasp leaving his lips. A ghost of a smile crossed his lips, before my legs crumpled beneath me, and I fainted onto the sword, the blade holding me off the ground.

**I know! I'm sorry D: I just love torturing my characters? For those who are squeamish/scared of blood etc. Well, this is a T. I didn't describe it in complete detail, I didn't include pictures or a slow mo video, I just told it enough to portray what I wanted. And what's this? A glimpse from Kai's past? Find out soon!**


	4. Chapter Four: Confusion

**4**

As I opened my eyes, a pristine white ceiling swam into view. Over what seemed like endless days there, a variety of people visited me, stooping over so that their faces came into view. Sometimes they spoke, but their words were like distorted mumbling to me, as if I were underwater. Sometimes I could pick out a word, like "sorry", or my own name, coming into harmony with the relentless beeping of the life support machine.

They all came; Kunsel, who usually sat at the chair beside my bed, talking to me, telling me stories about his day. Cloud came with flowers, changing their water and putting a new bunch on my bedside table every now and then. Angeal stood and studied me, his formality gone, a new sympathy in his expression. Genesis sat by me and read me extracts from _Loveless._ Zack would sit and stare, eyebrows knitted together, blue eyes crammed with sorrow.

A lot of the time though, I was accompanied by the kind red haired nurse who looked after me, participating in one-sided conversations, and checking the machines. One morning she strode into my room and pulled open the curtains, chatting to me about _"that Hojo_", and tutting in disapproval.

I opened my mouth, my voice hoarse and harsh against my throat. "Why?" I asked. The nurse froze in the middle of the room, her shoulders sagging in relief.  
"Oh", she breathed, "You can talk". I nodded.

Overtime, my voice and condition improved, and I spoke regularly with those who visited me, although none mentioned the trials. Their happy expressions concealed something below. Until Sephiroth visited me.  
"Kai", he said, a genuine smile crossing his features, "How are you feeling?"  
"Better," I replied, nodding, "but they won't let me out for another day or two". He nodded, smiling.  
"Well," he said, "I'm so proud you've finally healed, it was a long process wasn't it?"  
I didn't actually know. "How long was I here?"  
"You were unconscious for three days; but you have been in here for almost three weeks now". I sat up.  
"Three weeks? I have to train, I'll be missing out". I pulled the covers off but Sephiroth stopped me.  
"You will be able to catch up soon enough. Rest for now". I then noticed the white bandage on Sephiroth's chest, tucked underneath the crisscrossing leather straps. "Is that what I..?"  
He nodded, "Yeah, but the mako in my blood stream has almost healed it completely. It's just a little scrape now".  
"Then how come I'm stuck in a hospital? How come I haven't healed?" Sephiroth's face grew serious.  
"That is what I'm here to talk about, Kai". He sighed, feline eyes taking in the room I was in, then speaking.  
"You haven't got any mako in your bloodstream".  
"_What?" _  
Sephiroth nodded. "Our head of Science Research, Professor Hojo, did not know the effects of concentrated mako on women and so did not inject you. So you would believe that you had mako in your bloodstream, he injected you with a harmless solution".  
"So that's why it's taken so long to heal". Sephiroth nodded.  
"I believe that he should have injected you with the mako and Jenova cells regardless. Although", he added, "not with such a high concentration of Jenova cells as I". He smiled.

"Kai", Sephiroth said, "I am very proud of you". _What?_ "You managed to find me, _and _find a way to harm me, _without _mako and Jenova cells. Angeal and Genesis fighting together, _still _find it hard to even cut me. And they have been exposed to high amounts of mako already. Imagine what you will become once you have been injected".  
"Thank you Sir". Sephiroth's eyes flickered to the clock above my bed.  
"I have to go Kai, I'll see you soon". He stood up and left.

That red haired nurse burst into my room again, whistling as she drew open the curtains. "Rise and shine", she said, smiling, "time for you to get back to work. Your clothes are in the room next door".  
"Thanks". Standing up, I suddenly realised the ugly hospital gown I was wearing, and couldn't wait to get changed. I stepped into a cloakroom, and scrutinized the benches for my uniform. In the corner lay a pile of folded clothes. A First's uniform… I ran my thumb over the soft material, picking up the shoulder guards. _If this was mine…_

"Excuse me?" I asked, peering around the door , "This isn't my uniform". The nurse smiled, putting her clipboard down. "Well Mr Sephiroth said it was. And besides, I couldn't get the blood out of your old one".

A giddy feeling of pure excitement washed through me. _A First? Me?_ Small pinches of doubt suggested that maybe I had been given the wrong uniform, but I ignored it. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the showers in the room next door. The feeling of warm water on my skin was too tempting to refuse.

Getting changed, I took a little longer than usual, admiring how it fitted. I stood in front of the mirror and peered at my reflection. Having not seen my reflection for three weeks, it was a shock to see how I had changed.

A milky pale heart shaped face, framed by a mane of thick blonde long hair, which curled at the bottoms. I looked older in my eyes, a harsh juxtaposition with my young, innocent face. But the innocence in my appearance had gone; I seemed like a corrupted young girl. But I smiled, regardless, I was wearing a black uniform, and it was _mine. _

Stepping into the hall, I couldn't help the glow of pride that emanated off me, and the grin that took up a large part of my face. Walking towards my room, I wondered why I hadn't seen any other SOLDIERS yet. I desperately wanted to show off my uniform.

"SURPRISE!" Cloud, Kunsel and Zack screamed, waving their arms; party hats topping their heads. Genesis and Angeal, mumbled a belated "_Surprise…"_, embarrassed to be seen with the others. Sephiroth stepped into my view.  
"Congratulations on becoming a first, Kai". He gave me a new dog tag, my name and rank stamped onto it.

**Kai Setar  
SOLDIER, First Class**

"Thanks guys!" I couldn't help the grin that grew across my face. _A First! I'm a FIRST! _I realised what this meant. No longer to be doubted or distrusted because of my gender. I was a First Class SOLDIER.

"You do know it's not my birthday yet, right?" Kunsel and Cloud nodded. "How did you manage to get a cake?"

"Well…" Kunsel said, flashing a grin at Cloud, "the dinner ladies fancy Cloud". I grinned.  
"Well why wouldn't they?", I asked, throwing my arms around both of them, "You guys are the best!" Kunsel and Cloud slipped out of my arms, mumbling excuses as Zack came over.  
"Hey Kai, well done".  
"Thanks…Zack". His eyes crinkled at the sound of his name.  
"So listen, Kai…" I could not help the quickening heartbeat that now seemed to vibrate through my entire body. He seemed to sense my discomfort and hesitated. "Um…congratulations." My shoulders sagged with disappointment. I understood the full meaning of my attempt to hate him. To avoid this feeling, this feeling of pure unhappiness. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

"Thanks" I mumbled.

**Not really sure about the writing style in these chapters, but it gets more complex and twisted in the next chapters.**


	5. Chapter Five: Sickness

**5**

**Hay here's the next one!**

The lone noise of my boots tapping against the floor conquered the silent corridors of the Science and Development department. I turned to one door, raising my dog tag to the scanner as identification. The door opened, and I stepped in, eyes flickering around the medical room, and sat at a chair. Cloud and Kunsel were all at missions, but Sephiroth had put me off work for today due to the mako doses I would receive.

A man entered the room, closing a door behind me. He picked up a clipboard, scrutinizing my profile. "Miss Kai Setar?" he asked, lifting his eyes to study me through the glasses perched on the edge of his nose.  
"Yes". So this must be the infamous Hojo.  
"Sit on the bed please". I watched as he bustled around the room; syringe in hand, his greasy low ponytail swinging slightly. He filled the syringe with two different liquids, and stalked towards me.  
"Please remove your shoulder guard". I did as I was told, undoing the straps that held them in place. The tip of the needle brushed against my skin in search of a vein, before piercing my flesh. I watched in a horrified fascination as he pushed the liquid through the needle and into my blood stream.

He smiled, straightening up. "Please return straight to your room, you should feel the effects immediately. You should be back into work tomorrow. You will not need to return for top up; I've given you a concentrated solution."He smirked, and I wondered what sort of trouble I would get in if that smirk met my knuckles.

But he was true to his word. The world around me spun and shook as I stumbled back to my dorm. I was thankful that Kunsel couldn't see me like this, and staggered to the bathroom, only to vomit the entire contents of my stomach. _I thought mako was supposed to make me stronger? _But I only felt weaker, as the bathroom seemed to lurch and slip around me. I crawled into my bed, clutching my stomach, shivering violently.

There was a knock at the door. "Kai?" Zack entered, closing the door behind him. "Are you okay?"  
I shook my head, the pain too great to care about my pride in front of Zack. "Mako shots" I whispered.  
Zack' face creased with worry. "Kai…that's not supposed to happen with a normal mako shot". I twisted my head to face him, and a small part of my mind screamed at the fact that Zack Fair was sitting on my bed. "Concentrated shot", I groaned.

Zack stood up, shaking his head. "Come on Kai, you're supposed to sweat it out. You need to move, to help the mako diffuse". I nodded, and he pulled me to my feet. He held up a pillow.  
"Punch it", he said, and I took the stance, my fists raised in front of me. I felt dizzy; I could see two Zacks, both wielding pillows. I aimed for the one to my left, but my fist only connected with the wall.

"Fuck", I mumbled, shaking my head. But Zack was patient.  
"Come on, Kai", he whispered, his hand on my shoulder, "we can do this". I tried again, and my fist hit the pillow, and I felt Zack's torso behind it.  
"Ow", he muttered, looking away, a grin on his face. "Remind me not to get you angry".  
After a few minutes, my control increased and I realised what the others were talking about. I felt invincible, so strong and in control of my own body. I felt limitless. An hour passed by, and I bent over, my hand on my knees, huffed breaths escaping my lips.

"Zack", I breathed, "no more".  
He nodded. "Alright, enough for today". Now that we had stopped, that feeling of nausea swept over me again.  
"Zack", I said again, swaying slightly, "I -" but I was cut off by the searing pain that dominated my shoulder. It was as if there was something under my skin, demanding to escape… I groaned as my skin ripped, my flesh tearing apart. The tear widened, and a feeling of relief washed over me, as if whatever needed to escape had.  
"…Kai…?" Zack asked, although his eyes were cast behind me. I felt so odd; it was as if I had another arm or leg, attached to my shoulder. I shook when I saw black feathers from the corner of my eye.  
"That's a…" Zack whispered, watching as I turned.

A wing. A wing had burst through my shoulder, tearing at my skin, and moving slightly, as I tried to control it. I could feel warm blood dribble down my back. I sprinted to the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. In seconds, Zack was behind me, holding back my hair, his other hand stroking my back.  
"There, there" he whispered, as if he were approaching a wild animal, or calming a terrified child. I opened my mouth to thank him but only threw up again.

When I had finished, I cast a glance backwards, to see his anxious expression. "I'm sorry", I mumbled, trembling with the pain and shock. A small smile crossed his lips. "Sorry for what?" But his expression soon changed.

"Kai… Your eyes".

With Zack's help, I stood up, and strode to the girl in my reflection stared unflinchingly back. Her eyes were wild and haunted, but now the pupils in her golden eyes were catlike, with slits. A black feathered wing was visible over her shoulder, blood soaking her turtleneck and dribbling down her back. It felt so unreal, it was like suddenly waking up, and realising you had another arm; but it didn't feel disjointed or numb - it was a part of me. 

"Zack…Can you clean the blood please?" My voice was quiet and polite; illustrating the fact that inside I was terrified.  
"I can't really get to it", he said, dabbing at the base of the wing with a tissue, "It would be easier if you took your top off".  
I felt disjointed, and gazing at my twisted reflection made the situation all the more surreal. But nevertheless, the girl in the mirror smiled slightly, a tired sparkle in her eye. "If there weren't a wing sticking out of my shoulder, then I would've thought you were coming onto me". Zack grinned, regardless of the situation. I unzipped my turtleneck, slipping it off my arms, and watched Zack struggle to pull it over my wing. Underneath, I was just wearing my bra. I shivered as Zack's fingers pressed against my skin.  
"Whoa, you're toned", he said, taking my mind off the pain that shot through me as he patted the raw blooded skin around my wing.  
"I've got to be", I said, my voice tinged with pain, "you can't have a fat SOLDIER". The silence that followed was soon ruptured by my groans of pain. But soon, the wound was clean, and I felt better, just with the lack of the hot blood trickling down my back.  
"Zack?" I said, my voice tainted with worry.  
"Yeah?"  
"I'm a monster".  
His hand touched my cheek. "That isn't the wing of a monster".  
"Then what is it, Zack?"  
"An angel's wing" His gloved fingertips grazed the feathers of my wing. I turned around.  
"What kind of angel has one wing? With black feathers? A fallen one, I am nothing more than a being spat from the bowels of paradise", it said, voice laced with bitterness.  
" You sound like Genesis", he said, shaking his head, "A gift doesn't make you a monster."  
I stopped. "Genesis has this too?"  
Zack nodded. "Yeah, and he's always quoting _Loveless, _talking about angels".  
"Zack, I'm going to disintegrate and die", I moaned, realising that the wing was the cause of Genesis' condition.  
"No you're not, Kai. You're going to live. With a gift like that, you're going to live". But the "gift" I had only seemed like a foreshadowing of the fate I would soon meet.

"It's funny", I said, "how humans only wish to be angels, and angels only wish to be human".  
"You are human, Kai!"  
A smile flickered across my face. "I thought you just said I was an angel". Zack narrowed his eyes.  
"Ha-ha, very funny".

The door swung open.

"Hey K…_ Zack?_" I could hear the confusion in Cloud's voice.  
Kunsel stepped in after Cloud. "Congratulations, Kai! You managed to get Zack into your room!" _Way to make it awkward Kunsel_. If I wasn't only in my bra, with a wing sprouting from my shoulder, I would have so punched him there and then.  
I stepped out of the bathroom, in order to stop the flow of truth leaking from Kunsel's mouth.  
"Shit! Kai! Why have you got a wing?" Zack looked at me, eyes wide.  
"Mako shots", he said simply.  
Kunsel raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, really? 'Cause when I had my mako shots I don't remember suddenly sprouting a random-ass wing."

I slapped the back of Zack's head with my wing tip, then chuckling to myself. _If only this wing could hold a sword… I would be so awesome._ From the corner of my eye, I could see Zack smiling at me. I realised what it meant. Regardless of the wing, my eyes, nor the pain and shock I was in; I could manage to find happiness in every situation. With Kunsel and Cloud present, I felt obligated to sugar-coat my problems, and therefore receive less of their attention. I didn't want them worrying about me.

"I don't know", I said honestly, "Hojo gave me a concentrated mako shot and then…_this_ happened".  
"We should see Genesis", Cloud said.

**Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Hope you enjoy it. I'm sorry if it's awful. D:**


	6. Chapter Six: Spiral Downwards

**6 Heres the next chapter!**

Thinking back, I remember Genesis' face when he saw me. His quiet mumbling, "_ How could he do this to a woman?"_, "Loveless" clutched in his hand. I sat between Cloud and Kunsel, both of my hands in one of theirs, the leather of our gloves creaking from the strain of squeezing.

I remember gazing at the intricate oak table, of Genesis' study, scrutinizing the curled paws on which it stood. Everything in that room was like a poem, or a fairytale; elaborate and fantastical, almost as if it was a scene from "Loveless" itself.

Genesis turned to me suddenly. Even the man looked like some sort of prince; with his long brown hair, and well shaped face. I wondered what sort of children's storybook he was spat out of; it was like he didn't belong, his prince like image tainted with the disease we both had. Or maybe it only twisted the fairytale to improvement.

"Kai", he had said, "You've been given a high amount of Jenova cells – too much for even an average First Class SOLDIER – and the high concentration of mako simply sped up the progress in which your body accepts the alien cells. Which is why", he paused, a huff of frustrated breath escaping him, "your wing came within minutes". He paced across the room again, and I could see Cloud and Kunsel attempt to catch my eye out of the corners of my vision.

"Which means", he continued, "that the degradation will also speed up. Soon, your human skin will slowly decay and crumble; and beneath you'll be a monster". I stiffened as his eyes grazed the wing that sprouted from my shoulder. His unspoken words pierced through Kunsel and Cloud's attempts to make me talk. Genesis' stare told me; _it's already starting._

"How can I stop it?" I asked, raising my eyes to meet his.  
"I don't know", he said, shaking his head, "there is no way to remove that wing or the effect on your eyes. It's too late for that. But, there must be a way to stop the effects continuing." A sigh bubbled up inside of me and escaped my lips.  
"Genesis", I begged, "Please find a way. For all of us".

The knock on my door threw me out of my recollection, and I opened the door, thinking it was Kunsel or Cloud.  
"_Zack?"_

I was suddenly aware of the fact that I was only wearing a pair of pyjama shorts and a tank top.  
"Um…Hi" he said to my legs. I raised an eyebrow.  
"Look Kai," he said, rubbing the back of his neck, "Yesterday I came over to talk to you, but then I was distracted…" _Yeah,_ I thought, _I was kind of distracted by the random wing growing out of my shoulder too; otherwise you would still be in my room._ Other M-rated thoughts crossed my mind, but I swatted them out of my head._  
_"But I just wanted to say, that, um, I…" he faltered, looking away.

"You just wanted to say that you…?" I prompted.

His hands suddenly grabbed the sides of my face, his lips crashing against mine. The kiss was rough and sweet, and filled with need. The feeling of butterflies in my stomach turned to a herd of stampeding buffalo, and that warm feeling of pure happiness spread through my body. I found myself kissing him back, my fingers running through his thick black hair. When air became too much of an issue, we parted.

"…I love you" he finished, his voice coming out in a whisper.  
"Zack", I sighed, resting my head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, his chin on my head. I could hear his breath come out in little gasps, tickling the back of my neck.  
"I love you too".  
"You feel the same?" He asked.  
I twisted under him, and kissed the only place I could reach without tip toeing; his chin. Our eyes connected. "Why do you ask?"  
"Well," he said, "Because it looked like you hated me". I shook my head. "I tried", I confessed, "But I loved you too much. I just didn't want to get hurt Zack, if you didn't love me."  
I could feel him smile against the top of my head. "That's impossible", he murmured, "I will always love you".

We stayed like that a few minutes, my head nestled against his chest, his arms holding me in a firm embrace. Never had I ever felt so safe, not even in childhood, encircled by my mother's arms. At that moment, I knew it would always be Zack Fair. I sighed, suddenly realising how the yearning that had bubbled up inside of me, simply washed away, left with pure, raw love for this man.

"Kai", he whispered into my neck, "let's go inside".

Sitting on my bed, we talked, fingers intertwined, legs hanging off the bed. Occasionally, his fingers would stroke my wing, as I had yet to find a way to find a way to retract it.  
"Kai", he said, his eyes connecting with mine, "Tell me about your childhood".

"Well.."

_Flesh burning- _

"…My childhood was…" 

_Children screaming - _

"Kinda boring, really…"

_Valen's cry of pain, as the flame consumed him. My house aflame, my parent's silent screams unheard. The town was a light, a beacon in the dark midnight…._

"Kai?" He asked, his hand seeking mine again. My eyes avoided his, and I gazed out the window, wishing that the rain that fell upon the Shinra building could've come during the fire.

"There was a fire at my village", I said, speaking to my feet. "It killed thirteen people, and injured many more. My parents…they were going to be cremated at the time…they…they were cremated early…My brother was severely burnt. My home was gone…" Zack's arms encircled me once again, his embrace only tightening when my sobs shook the two of us.

"It's going to be okay", he murmured, stroking my back. But I pulled away.  
"No, Zack," I cried, "No it's not going to be okay! I started the fire! I started it, I had the lighter, and – and it's all my fault!" But when I dared to look up to see the expression of horror on Zack's face, I was surprised.

"I know all about the fire" he said, "It's in your report. You and your brother ran away afterwards to avoid the blame. You needed money, so you started in SOLDIER, meanwhile your brother worked in a bar". He smiled slightly, "Although", he said, "I think maybe the jobs could've been the other way round".

I stared about him, shocked. So he knew. Why wasn't he running out of the room?

"It wasn't your fault, Kai".

"_What?" _

"They did an investigation into the cause of the fire. You didn't start it. An older member of the town did. His name was…" Zack drifted off, trying to remember the man's name. But I simply sat there, frozen.

All my life since the fire, I had blamed myself. I was just trying to cremate my parents in the woods nearby, with my brother, Valen, present. We had built a pyre in a large clearing so that no sparks would start another fire. When we went home to discover the town aflame, we blamed ourselves, and took flight.

My shoulders visibly sagged. "Thank you Zack", I breathed. He smiled, and pulled me in for another hug. His blue eyes flickered to his watch. "Hey", he said, pulling away, "let's get you some lunch huh?" He pinched a corner of my pyjama shorts between his thumb and forefinger, "I bet you've been stuck in those all day. Come on".  
"Zack…My wing". There was a pause as he scratched his head. "Don't think about it".  
"Huh?"  
"Don't think about your wing. Think about something else. You've been locked up in your room all day, thinking about it, missing training…You need to control it".  
"Zack, I have a wing sticking out of my shoulder…it's kind of hard, _not _to think about it". I began to worry when he grinned. His lips were then against mine, rough and needing, then soft and caring. Emotions rushed and swelled inside of me; love, affection, worry and raw desire. My arms slunk around his neck, fingers running through his hair from time to time, pulling away occasionally, and our gasped breaths mingling. I felt so safe, so secure, we could have been on a battlefield, war raging all around us, bullets shredding through our bodies… and yet I would still feel protected, out of harm's way, encircled in his arms. Zack finally pulled away, a ghost of a smile crossing his face. "It's gone", he said.  
He was right. I no longer felt haunted by the presence of black feathers over my shoulder. I squeezed Zack's hand and left to the bathroom to get changed into my uniform. I had a hard time scrubbing the blood out of my turtleneck, and so cut holes at the shoulders of my spares, wide enough to fit my wing in case of an emergency.

In the mess hall, Zack pulled me over to the empty Firsts' table, eyes urgent. "Kai", he said, eyes darting around. We earned a few stares, some nodding in approval of my black uniform, others wondering why I had a hole in my jumper. "This isn't right. You shouldn't be injected with high amounts of Jenova cells." His voice lowered to a whisper. "They're experimenting on us, Kai. I bet they don't even know what was even going to happen to you with that injection. Look at Genesis, look at Sephiroth….Angeal…We're next".  
Grave thoughts spun through my mind, turning back to previous events, now looking upon them with a darker tint. Everything had led up to the one point, becoming a First Class SOLDIER. Never mind the salaries, the missions…Our lives all counted on the one point when we entered first class…and proved we were strong enough for the experimentation. We were just lab rats, competing to be tested on. I lost appetite thinking about the fact that my blood was slowly fusing with the alien blood, each second bringing close to becoming a monster.  
I pushed my food around with a fork, glancing over at Zack. Behind me, I felt a brush against my shoulder, as someone walked behind me.  
"SOMEBODY…" an overly loud voice said behind me, "has grown too big for her own boots already…won't even sit with her _best friends"._ I shot an apologetic look behind me to Kunsel and Cloud.  
"Cow", Kunsel muttered at me, but he was smiling as he said it. _We need to talk, _he mouthed. I nodded.  
"Kai", Zack said, moments later, "let's go". We left the mess hall together, putting our trays on the counter, gloved fingers intertwined. Whilst walking the halls of Shinra, heads bent together, Zack whispered into my ear.  
"Let's run for it, Kai". My wide eyes connected with his.  
"What?" I muttered.  
"Let's go. Theres been mass desertion at SOLDIER anyway, they won't notice a few more."  
"Zack!", I said, "We're both First Class. We owe our loyalty to Shinra. I won't have it any other way". I suddenly felt disappointed in him.  
"Kai", he said, taking both of my hands in his. "I want you to be safe. I can't let you stay in their hands forever, and degrade before my eyes. I'm keeping you alive. I hear talk of Angeal and Genesis doing the same".  
I had no argument to this. "Shall we take the others?"  
"Cloud and Kunsel?"  
I nodded.  
Zack was thoughtful for a moment, "If they'd come".  
I spun around at the sound of footsteps . A Third walked behind us, too absorbed in his phone to listen. We walked to Zack's apartment, and I was too deep in my thoughts to realise consciously where I was. Three days ago, I would've killed to be here. Now, I couldn't care less; I felt like a ghost, haunting the halls of Shinra. I was empty. We stayed there for a few hours; planning our leave. It felt so wrong, so treacherous to betray the army I worked so hard for, and now to leave. But yet, I told myself the same thing repeatedly; we would always be SOLDIERS, but never Shinra.

I cracked open the door of my dorm, Zack behind me. When I didn't hear anything, I opened it, a choked gasp breaking out of me.  
"No" I moaned, falling to my knees.  
_No._ I could hear Zack behind me. "Gods above", he murmured.

_No.  
_A maroon uniform, drenched in scarlet –

_No._

A SOLDIER helmet cast off rolled through the crimson pool -  
_No._

A head of chestnut curls, soaked in red, lifeless violet eyes gazing into the unknown –

_Kunsel._

"_Kunsel!" _ I cried rushing over to him. His dead eyes suddenly filled with the light of life, but it was dim, and diminishing.  
"What happened?" I asked, my fingers splayed against his crimson soaked chest like white starfish, clutching at the fabric of his uniform.  
"It's a warning…" he gasped, "Get away, Kai, get away. They think I'm dead…"  
"Who did this to you?" Zack asked, crouching next to Kunsel. I could see his expression was firm, sky blue eyes hardened. Some dealt with grief in different ways.  
"Another SOLDIER".  
"What?" I asked. How could this happen?  
"…Wasn't his fault…Was told I was a traitor…Overheard you and Zack trying to escape…"  
My breath caught in my throat.  
"Oh no.." I moaned, squeezing his hand.  
"Kai", he murmured, more blood dribbling out of his mouth as he spoke, "I love you…Like I love my sisters…"  
"I love you too, Kunsel…" I paused, they needed to know. "Do you want me to tell your family, Kunsel?"  
"No..." He smiled, shaking his head, "I'll see them soon". The sudden realisation dawned on me. Kunsel always spoke of his family in the present tense, but when we had leave, never left to visit them. I had thought maybe they had a fight, but never did it occur to me that they were dead. He spoke of them as if they were alive. But, some dealt with grief in different ways.  
"Kai..." He whispered again, "Get out…Leave…Take Cloud…SOLDIER… isn't what it used to be…"  
I nodded. "Take this", he murmured, pulling the SOLDIER dog tag over his head. His eyes connected with mine, and he pulled the chain through one of the loops in my trousers, dying fingers fumbling to tie it, so that it could hang. My eyes grazed the writing stamped into the metal. _Kunsel Moorely, SOLDIER, Second Class. _It was his entire identity, imprinted onto a small, insignificant piece of metal.  
Kunsel's hand briefly squeezed mine, a small smile thrown Zack's way, before he closed his eyes, his hand limp.  
Zack and I gazed at each other from either side of the body. _Let's get out of here._

**Ahhhh! Drama time! xx**


	7. Chapter Seven: Escape

**7**

I ran through the halls, saying his name like a mantra.  
_Kunsel, Kunsel, Kunsel, Kunsel – _

_Your death will not be in vain.  
_I picked up speed, fingers curling around the handle of my sword. I stopped in front of the door to Sephiroth's office; sliding a goodbye under his door. I did the same for Genesis and Angeal, then made my way to the mess hall.  
"Excuse me?" I said to one of the cooks there. "Please may I have a month's worth of ration packs?"  
The woman drew back, but offered me a smile. "A month?" She said, "You must've got the short straw on that mission". I nodded, not trusting my voice to lie to her. She left, returning a few minutes later with a box. "Here sweetie", she said, "that's a little over a month's worth. Must be hungry work for a girl like you".  
"Thanks". I took the box, and left, scanning the halls for Cloud. Walking through the hallways I tried to console myself on Kunsel's death. _Everyone closes their eyes eventually, Kai. Kunsel did it early.  
_I fished out my phone from the pockets of my trousers, flicking it open. I dialled Cloud's number and waited as it rang.  
_C'mon, c'mon, c'mon…  
This is the Midgar voicemail service. The person you are calling is not available. Please leave a message after the tone. When you are finished calling, key hash at any time._

"Hey Cloud, it's me". I suddenly felt self conscious leaving a voicemail, but continued anyway. "Look, I really need to talk to you…Zack and I…It's about Kunsel. Please Cloud, pick up, it's an emergency. Alright…bye".

I stalked the halls of the barracks; dialling and redialling Cloud's phone. If I was his girlfriend, I would've been dumped by now. I went to his room, praying and hoping that nothing had been done to him like had happened to Kunsel, but is was empty; no signs of struggle or fighting. I sighed and dialled Zack's number.

_Hey this is SOLDIER First Class Zack Fair. Sorry I'm not available right now, but feel free to leave a message and I'll get back to you. Bye!_

"Zack, it's me. I can't find Cloud, and he's not in his room. I've called him, like, a hundred times now, and I'm going to do the same with you if you don't pick up! Alright, bye".

On my way to Zack's apartment, I encountered Sephiroth, who was just heading to his office.  
"Seph", I breathed, coming to a stop before him.  
He raised an eyebrow, "You hang around with Zack too much."  
"Have you seen him?" I asked, feeling desperate.  
"No, I haven't", he said, his feline voice sounding thoughtful. "If you see him, tell him to come down to my office. Him and I need to talk about the mission next week".  
I nodded. "Okay". I sprinted past him and towards Zack's apartment. I fumbled around my pockets in search for the key he gave me at lunch, sliding it into the door, before turning it open.  
"Zack?" I asked, wandering his room. "Zack?" I searched the entire apartment twice, before ringing his mobile again, only to find that he had left it on his bed.  
_Fuck._

I picked it up, and scrolled through his messages. _Angeal, Angeal, Angeal, Genesis, Sephiroth, Angeal_. Then there was a conversation with Cloud. 

**Subject: Kai  
Message: Hey Spike, is she Ok?  
**

**Subject: Re:Kai  
Message: Yeah, I think so, but she's still freaked out about the wing thing. She can't seem to get rid of it, and has missed the last two training sessions. She really needs help.**

**Subject: Re:Kai  
Message: Do you think she'd mind if I came over? I think I'm going to tell her.**

**Subject: Re: Kai  
Message: It's a good idea, Zack. She's needs a distraction, and it's obvious how you two feel about each other.**

**Subject: Re: Kai  
Message: You think she feels the same way? She always kind of seems like she hates me. But I'll tell her if it helps. I'm really worried about her, Spikey.**

**Subject: Re: Kai  
Message: Go get 'em, Tiger.**

**Subject: Re: Kai  
Message: Spike. Never say that again. **

The phone shook in my hand. I felt like I was seeing into Zack's personal life, his feelings and thoughts communicated with Cloud. He _really _cared. But it was the next message which made me worry.

**Subject: Mako Shots  
Message: SOLDIER, First Class, Zack Fair, you are needed for your final Mako Shots at the Science and Development department immediately.  
Sincerely,  
Hojo  
Shinra Science and Development**

I froze. My previous experience with the Science and Development had not been positive, neither had my opinion on Hojo.

What Zack had said earlier then ran through my mind. 

"_They're experimenting on us, Kai. I bet they don't even know what was even going to happen to you with that injection. Look at Genesis, look at Sephiroth….Angeal…We're next"._

_They're going to experiment on him_

Oh fuck.

I had no time to lose, but _that _feeling washed over me again. It was a fusion of tension, and apprehension, mixed with harsh anxiety and foreboding. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. My skin began to crawl, and that feeling of being caged flooded through my system.

_Here it comes._

Waves and waves of pain ran through me, as the wing burst through the newly-healed skin on my shoulder. I groaned in pain, feeling the new weight hanging from me again. Blood trickled down my back. But all rational thought seemed to leave me. Stopping that needle embed itself in Zack's flesh was all I lived for. I opened a window, crouching at the ledge, and jumped.

The cold, sickening feeling of dread came over me, and my mind scrambled for a solution, momentarily forgetting that I had _a wing. _ But instinct found its way in the end, and I was suddenly flying. It was a bumpy attempt, but it was much faster than walking, and I needed to get to Zack. I flapped my wing a few times, aiming for an open window. Ifell through, landing on my side.

I picked myself up, and studied where I was. A lab, with tables littered with test tubes and microscopes. There was a bookshelf in the corner, and some obscure machine in the centre. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I heard something.

It was a muffled banging, as if there was someone tapping on a window. With one hand on the hilt of my sword, I walked into the other room, searching for the source of the noise. The banging increased in speed, and I heard a distorted voice, almost as if it where underwater…  
_"Kai!"  
_I spun around. Held in a glass container filled with liquid mako, stood Zack, thumping his fist against the glass that restrained him. Next to him was Cloud.

I crossed the room in faster than I would've thought possible, and pressed the button, draining the liquid from the container, and opened the door. Zack almost fell into my arms, glowing from the mako.  
"Zack", I breathed, "How did this happen?"  
"I knew they were going to try this…but I wanted to find a cure for you". He said, blue eyes connecting with mine. He endangered himself in order to find me a cure. My heart thumped against my ribcage, a warm feeling running through my veins. He said it so casually, and yet, everything counted on us escaping unscathed.

"Let's get Cloud out", I said, pushing the button.  
"He's unconscious. I think they gave him a lot more mako than I".  
"Does he have mako poisoning?" I asked, suddenly worried. It would be harder now that Cloud was a dead weight. He noticed my wing.

"Kai did you _fly _here?"  
I nodded. _"_I was in your room looking for you – oh and by the way you left your phone there – and so I jumped out the window…." Zack shook his head, smiling, and then he frowned.

"Let's grab some bikes and get out of here".


	8. Chapter Eight: Fight and Fall Together

After days of travelling by bike, we found ourselves in the barren landscape surrounding Midgar. It hadn't taken Shinra long to realise two of their Firsts had gone missing, and another of Hojo's experaments as well. It was only when Cloud awoke from unconsciousness that we all decided to fight them together.

So we stood in front of the horde of Shinra infantry and vehicles, swords slung across our backs, our SOLDIER uniforms on. As we walked, I found myself pulling the SOLDIER dog tag out of my turtleneck, running my thumb across the words stamped into the metal.

**Kai Setar**

**SOLDIER, First Class**

I felt the rugged surface of the Shinra logo. Before we left, Zack made a ritual out of carving a line through the logo, to signify that we will always be SOLDIERS, just no longer belonging to Shinra.

As we stood before the masses of Shinra infantrymen, armed with an array of weapons, and an amount of helicopters hovering overhead, I found my fingers reaching for the dog tag again.

_Always SOLDIERS, no longer Shinra._

But was this the only way to achieve this? I nodded. There was no other way. Either spend our lives running, in the shadow of Shinra, or finish this.

The sickening sound of the loading of guns along with swords being pulled out of their sheaths melted into a harmony of death along with the endless noise from the helicopters.

I found myself feeling flattered that such an expanse of effort was put into killing the three of us. My opinions later changed to those along the lines of considering this amount as overkill. But they did not move. The helicopters circled us, like birds do to prey, but the infantrymen stayed as still as statues, waiting expectantly. _Well what do they expect us to do? Get down on our knees and beg for forgiveness? They obviously have a lack of faith in SOLDIER. Even Cloud, an infantryman like them has the courage to stand up for himself._I gritted my teeth, but stayed where I was. There was no way _I'd_ever do that.

I heard a sigh, and looked to my right. Zack shook his head slowly. "Boy oh boy", He muttered, raising his eyes to the sky, "the price of freedom is steep".

I slipped my gloved hand into his and my other into Cloud's. "But not steep enough for us", I said firmly, my eyes keeping in contact with theirs. They both nodded in agreement.

"But not enough for us", they repeated, and my grip on their hands tightened.

"Listen to me", I said, my voice filled with urgency, "You can go now and I'll-"

"You're insulting me", Zack said, his face turned away from me, "And Cloud. You think that we'd leave you to fight on your own?" His voice went up in pitch, filled with anger and forcefulness, "_We're in this together"._

I could see Cloud nod in the corner of my eye, "Where ever we go, whether it's here, heaven or hell, we'll go together".

I looked up at both sides of me, meeting Zack and Cloud's eyes, my own filled with tears.

I pulled my sword from the magnet that kept it attached to my back. I bowed my head, feeling its cool blade against my forehead.

"Embrace your dreams..." I whispered, and heard the others do the same.

"...And whatever happens...Protect your honour..."

And that's when I looked into the other's eyes for what I thought to be the last time. We all smiled a thousand words behind each broken smile we gave each other, before moving our swords into our usual grip.

"AS _SOLDIER!"_ We yelled in unison, charging forward.

In a blur of steel, I stabbed at the first infantrymen I came across, letting his body fall limply to the ground before picking up his machinegun and slinging it across my shoulder. I continued to move forward, dodging bullets and attacks, but still making strikes of my own, until a circle of dead surrounded me. But more and more just kept coming; their amounts seemingly endless, and soon we found ourselves separated.

Only now did I notice the black colour that the sky had turned, and the rain pounding against my body. And only then did I notice the pain that rushed through me, making me stagger backwards. The loss of blood continued to affect me as the scenery around me began to spin. I gripped my sword for support, fingering at the detailed hilt.

Shaking the memories away, I gripped my sword tighter, forgetting the pain and amount of energy it took momentarily. Blinded by thoughts of Zack and Cloud, I moved forward, lashing out at all those who surrounded me, myvision clouded by blood.

Finally, their numbers seemed to decrease, and this fact motivated me to keep going. Everything was a blur of blood and steel, and I kept on fighting, ignoring the continuous bullets which bore through me.

Cloud was the first to go.

It was as expected, him being less experienced than Zack and I, but I found myself bursting with pride that the shy boy lasted so long. A small part of me panicked, praying to whatever up there that he was rescue-able.

Zack and I were reunited briefly, before being separated again in the thick of the fight.

There were ten infantrymen left, but I began to wonder if that was too many to kill me in my state at the moment. Breathing seemed like a massive effort, and moving an even greater one. Pulling the machinegun from my shoulder, I shot at the rotary blades of the last helicopter, sending it plummeting to the earth, before continuing with the rest of the infantrymen.

But now my breath was ragged, the large amounts of mako in my blood working furiously hard to keep me going. I had too many wounds to heal quickly, and was feeling the effect of these. Each infantryman felt like killing an entire army, and as I looked to my right, I could see Zack felt the same way. Only three out of the ten came for me, as the rest continued to harass Zack. I killed them as quickly as I could, in an attempt to aid him.

There were only three left, but to us, it could have been an army. They had loaded their weapons, their faces hard and ruthless.

_NO!_

As I ran, I saw the two infantrymen look back to their sergeant, in asking of approval. The sergeant nodded, but could do much less else as my blade sliced through his body. I moved to the next one, stabbing him in the heart, before continuing to the last man. Standing in front of Zack, I stepped forward, only to have bullets rain upon me.

**Hope everyone likes it! x**


	9. Chapter Nine: If I Were The Rain

The sun dare not challenge the clouds, as pathetic fallacy seemed to be at work today. The sky was an ashen grey, and as I lay on the ground, the cold mixture of blood, rain and mud seeping through my uniform, I watched it fall from the sky. The rain. I admired it; it was so strong, powerful, unstoppable. Always there. And as it fell, washing away the tears and blood, I found myself smiling and wondering.

_If I were the rain..._

What would I do if I had that power?

_Would I be able to bind together the earth and sky?_

Would I be able to unite the elements?

_The two worlds so infinitely apart_

_And join nature's brothers and sisters?  
Like the two poles of the earth?_

It began to pour. My hair curled slightly in the wet, surrounded my head like a halo of wet coils. My mascara was probably running.  
I then began to laugh. Out of all the things to think of when I was dying I had to think of my mascara running. I stopped. Laughing hurt.

_Zack._

Using an enormous amount of energy, I lifted my head slightly, and winced at the size of the wound that had been slashed across my stomach.

_Zack._

I groaned in agony and dropped my head the two inches it had risen, a sharp rock digging into the back of my skull.

_Zack._

My hand was still clutched around the handle of my sword, the bone seemingly fused to the grip. My head hurt. Blood was probably pouring from there as well.

_Zack._

I was dimly aware of a small splash of blood splattering across my face as those familiar black trousers kneeled next to me.

_Zack?_

"Kai?" The voice was grief stricken, broken and defeated.

"Zz..ack." My voice was hoarse, like I hadn't spoken in three years.

"I found you".

I painfully twisted my head to the right, so I could see his face. A gentle smile crossed his features when he saw me. A smile filled with hope. Not for me, though. My light of hope was slowly disintegrating and fading, disappearing out of sight. But seeing that face. It gave me strength, hope. And I had one last burst of energy, to do my last deed for the world before I left.

"I need to tell you something Zack". The rain roared in my ears, but I continued, my weak voice somehow conquering the other competition.

Those beautiful bright blue eyes widened with sadness. "No..."  
"Zack I have to...I'm going to..."

The blue hardened into a cold slate. The sky was no longer in his eyes. "You don't have to tell me anything, okay? We're going to be just fine". But underneath the stubborn, icy facade, a river still flowed freely, betraying those emotions. Grief. Regret. Sadness.

He suddenly pushed himself roughly towards me, his lips pressed against mine. His lips were wet, cut, and we both tasted blood. And yet, my heartbeat quickened. Dying and he still made my heart race.

That is true love.

My eyes were half lidded, and slowly closing. "Zack..." I said finally, "I'll find you".

A sad smile spread through his face, realises that this was the end. "You won't have to wait long".

"I'd wait forever".

**Hey Sorry its a bit iffy, But Kai's not meant to be in a perfect mental state at the moment! The "if I were the rain" Is a poem I wrote, and if you wanna hear the rest of it, feel free to ask**


	10. Chapter Ten: Metamorphisis

**I'm so annoying aren't I? xDDD I promised I would update though so here I am, in this annoying bold type.  
By The Way.I feel my writing is getting better the more we get through this story, I'm not sure but maybe I should re-write the whole thing in Kai's point of view? Please let me now and don't forget to R & R :D**

_When that final heartbeat tolls, life's ultimate adventure solely remains._

The sun had returned. It filled the landscape with new life, new joy, filling life's emptiness with colour upon a new canvas. The blood drenched battle field, now cast in rays of light, seemed a scene from the ascension to paradise.

But the ground was still a deep burgundy below me, my tattered SOLDIER-issued boots trod on the remnants of life. A bleary question seeped into my consciousness.

_Why am I here?_

It seemed like not too long ago when I was surrounded by the lamentations of the dead, the rain roaring in my ear, the sky crying in my name, my gloved hand warm in his. It was not until I stumbled, kicking a helmet in my progress when a strong arm held me up, pulling me by the waist towards this secure body. I clung on, too familiar with this body too need to look up.

But something had caught my tear-stained eyes, a flash of mud-drenched yellow, a quiet groan, a small movement.

I staggered over to it, not caring about what I would tread on, tearing the bodies and debris from him.

"Cloud" , I uttered, the breath rushing out of me as I spoke his name, "Are you alright..?"  
He groaned in pain as he stood up, taking minutes for the one simple action, but still well enough to smile with a "what do you think?"

I sighed with an overflowing relief. Together we stumbled, the three of us. We had fought together, we had fallen together, and now we rose again, together.  
Forever.

We had returned to the house. It was odd really, but the small place felt like home already, our presence conquering its empty rooms. We staggered through the door, queued behind the bathroom door, not caring whether the hot water ran out; nothing was colder than the fusion of rain and blood.

But each day, we left the house, doing the dead a favour and giving them the honour of burial. For me, life after that final battle felt like a dream. I knew that escaping SOLDIER would have an eventual consequence and punishment, but I had never dreamed to survive it.

And now, here I stood, upon a cliff overlooking Midgar, surrounded by hundreds of swords plunged into the dusty earth beneath me, the dry desert wind rushing through my hair, a whisper of a smile crossing my face.

Even though we would occasionally venture to Midgar, we found ourselves remaining in the small house after the burials were done, feeling like soul less shells, until the ghostly outside appearance cracked, and we remained broken soldiers no more. We emerged from our distorted and tainted past, and for the first time since childhood,

We began to live.

**TADAH! eeeeeP!**

**Don't worry though THIS IS NOT THE END.**

**One or two more chapters coming.**


	11. Chapter Eleven: Taunting Memory

**Now. Some of you have been saying how Kai's dead then shes alive and you're all like "WTF?"**

**DON'T WORRY. It will all come together.  
Now I'm not entirely sure whether I should end this story or not. This isnt a "GIVEMESOMEATTENTIONPLZ" stunt, some stories are better rounded up and finished rather than long and slowly dying out. I do have some vague plans for these guys up ahead, but I'd like to know whether you guys would read it? Please tell. The song for this chapter is "I'll follow you into the dark" by Death Cab for Cutie. Thanks xoxo**

Being a SOLDIER, one forgets what beauty ever was. Beauty is those rare occasions where the ugly world that surrounds you; all the sadness, loss, hatred, just crumbles away. Being away from Shinra, I can witness beauty more often; but a simple kindness or a small courtesy is still hard to spot in this city. Midgar remains to be in the clutches of Shinra, racked by its command.

But I am selfish now. I will not cross blades with Shinra for a while. Zack, Cloud and I have yet to be sighted by their infantrymen. They look for three SOLDIERS, faces haunted, mako eyes tired of death; not the veterans that we are.

My eyes flicker around the dirty bus I stand in, gloved hands gripping the pole. Even if the bus was empty, I'd rather stand than endure springs in my back, or the lumpy seats that don't even have springs at all. Graffiti, advertisements and chewing gum plaster the walls, the floors and windows, and it smells distinctly of urine. After a few weeks, one would have thought I'd be used to it; but with my heightened sense of smell, I can't help but wrinkle my nose. Sometimes I wonder how others cope with it.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a scruffy mutt, panting, but yet still smiling with all that surrounds it. It is skinny, fur dirty and most likely littered with fleas; but when his master pats him on the head, he thumps his tail; having eyes only for his master. The dog needn't anything else, he is sustained and fed only by love.

When the bus jerks to a halt, I am thrust back into the man behind me.  
"Sorry", I mutter, avoiding his eyes. A sausage fingered hand slaps onto my shoulder. I spin around.  
"Hey darlin'" the large beer bellied man drawls, , "Wanna play?" I can smell the distinctive alcohol on his breath, but I don't move. My situation is in flux; his comment is not threatening enough for me to attack him, nor is it offhand. For the moment, I cannot do anything.  
"I said I was sorry", I say firmly, and turn my back to him. But his thick arm slides around my waist.

Enough is enough.

I spin around, lifting my leg, my thick soled army boot suddenly pressing into his neck, pinning him to the pole behind.

"Don't touch me", I growl.  
Too drunk _and_hungover to comprehend what had just happened, the man simply stepped back as I lowered my leg. The onlookers barely watch; a situation like this is frequent enough not to have a comment for,although some stare at me for retaliating.

I get off at the next stop.

There is a place we always go to when the world becomes to much; to witness a beauty of our own. Beyond the cottage, the graveyard of swords and the spires; lies a patch of green, a small forest amongst the sandy earth. The green follows the little stream northwards, towards the coast.

I sit on the bank of a lake, fingers intertwining with the rare grass. In the morning air, the scent of a distant memory lingers beyond my reach, its tendrils taunting my existence.

_The sky crying, the rain pounding against the earth below._

The sky lies flat before me, clouds drifting across its glassy surface, mirroring a bird's black silhouette from above. I touch it with the tip of my finger, and the sky is suddenly distorted with ripples, extending towards the other shores. A leaf drifts down from its perch, and again the sky is shattered, breaking the spell of remembrance.  
_His bloodied hand reaching for mine-_

I wonder; if I plunged into those mirroring waters, could I be amongst the clouds?  
That place beyond the clouds, where we promised we'd meet if I lost him. Fingers entwined naive of the strength of our words. Simple words that would bind us forever.  
My heart would always be connected to his, through death and beyond.  
What remains now in the mundane is the beyond that beckons me towards his presence.  
I live with my hand intertwined in his, brushing against a faint recollection of what once was life.

When the sky cried in my name.

Zack.

**I don't really know about this chapter to be honest. I'm sorry its so short! I wanted to create a contrast between the ugly of Midgar and the rare moments of beauty in Kai's life. So I wrote in a factual form for the Midgar scene, then more philosophical for the lake.**


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